1. The Person Who Takes Up More Than One Seat With All Of Their Belongings.
On the bus this morning I saw what I thought was an empty seat. An empty seat is usually so rare that I will always make a beeline for this beacon of hope. And do you know what I found what I did so? A woman sitting in her window seat with a huge bag of crap on the open seat next to her. Keep in mind that there were people crowded into every nook and cranny of available space, including people standing on the stairs. And this woman, with all of the gall and audacity of someone who doesn’t understand anything about the rules of common decency, was taking up a perfectly good seat with her satchel. I’m not sure if it was that everyone was fed up with being shoved and pushed at 8:30 in the morning or what, but the rally sign went out and it was like everyone simultaneously gave her the dirtiest look they could muster up. And you know what? She didn’t move a single muscle, but she did have the audacity to look mildly ashamed.
2. The Person Who Won’t Let You Exit.
If you’ve never ridden the metro or bus during rush hour, I suggest never trying to open that can of worms. Because during the hours that everyone is simultaneously attempting to get somewhere as quickly as possible, there are a few constants, and one of them is that you will probably never be able to get off the train. One of the unspoken and unwritten rules of public transport is that you let everyone get off before you board. It’s common sense. The less people trying to squeeze their way into a 10×10 foot space, the more room there will be for new people trying to do the same. It’s practically a law of physics. And yet, there are still those people who push you out of the way to squeeze their bodies into the space you are still occupying. You know what? I hate those people. If you let me get off, I won’t be forced to push you out of the way, therefore causing a domino effect on the whole platform.
3. The Screaming Child.
No matter how many times daily (two) I ride public transportation I can never understand these children. Living in a city like DC it makes sense that not everyone has a car or can afford to drive to work in the mind-numbing traffic we’ve got going on here. What doesn’t make sense is the lack of preparation on the part of the parents. Can you keep your child quiet for the short time you’re on the bus, or is that impossible? Or can you not bring a three-day-old infant on the bus at all? I don’t have children because I don’t want to hear them cry when I’m trying to zone out with a good book during my commute in the first place.
4. The Person Listening to Music.
Everyone listens to music on public transportation. It’s a fact of life. The person you hate is the one listening to music so loud you can hear every word of the song they are listening to through their headphones. I’d like to know how their eardrums have not been ruptured by now. What makes you think we want to hear your 80s grunge rock or deafening, and probably offensive/violent, rap? If you’re jamming out and singing along and we can still hear the music, you should shut up. No one wants to hear your music, or the frighteningly off-key way you sing to it, at 9am. Or any other time of day either, for that matter.
5. The Person Who Is Obnoxiously Sleeping.
I won’t pretend I’ve never fallen asleep on the metro. I mean, who hasn’t? Dark tunnels, dreadfully boring, long ride – it’s basically the recipe for a nice catnap. But in the world of metro riders, there are the people who sleep, and there are the people who sleep. You know the people I mean, the ones who treat the dirty, old plastic metro seat like it is their own personal king size bed, complete with a grimy window that doubles as a feather pillow. Those people snore. They miss their stop because they are too busy dreaming. They take up two seats with their prone bodies, their jackets thrown over their heads. Those people treat the metro like their bedroom. And what I can’t figure out is why those people would want a dirty metro car to be their bedroom while all the thieves around them figure out how to palm that twenty sticking out of their pocket.